beginconfig(
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"What good is money, if you can't inspire terror in your fellow man?"
- Charles Montgomery Burns, "The Simpsons"

"The feeling of sleepiness when you are not in bed, and can't get there, 
is the meanest feeling in the world."
- Edgar Watson Howe
 
"I'm not a bad guy.  I work hard and I love my kids.  So why should
I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"
- Homer Simpson
 
If atheism is a religion, then health is a disease! 
- Clark Adams
 
You pronounce sentence upon me with greater fear than I receive it. 
- Giordano Bruno, to his inquisitors
 
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not
prove anything.
- Nietzsche
 
Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; everything else is
opinion.
- Democritus
 
The MIT Science Fiction society keeps a Bible in their comprehensive
collection, as an anthology filed (by editor's last name) under `G'.
- David Mix Barrington

The world holds two classes of men - intelligent men without religion,
and religious men without intelligence.
- Abu'l-Ala-Al-Ma'arri, 973-1057, Syrian poet
 
Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a
single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
- Ambrose Bierce
 
Beyond the grave they will find nothing but death. But we shall keep
the secret, and for their happiness we shall allure them with the
reward of heaven and eternity.
- Fjodor Michailovitsj Dostojevskij, The Brothers Karamazov, remark of
the Grand Inquisitor
 
Organized Religion is like Organized Crime; it preys on peoples'
weakness, generates huge profits for its operators, and is almost
impossible to eradicate.
- Mike Hermann
 
Theology is but the ignorance of natural causes reduced to a system. 
- Baron Paul Henri T. d'Holbach
 
Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime
to examine the laws of heat.
- John Morley
 
Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from
religious conviction.
- Blaise Pascal, 1623-1662, Pense'es (1670) #894.
 
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; Give him a religion,
and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
 
The tolerance of liberty can be maintained until complete federal and
state control by Catholics has been accomplished.
- Bishop O'Connor, Pittsburgh
 
It was once proposed that all religions persuasions should be free and
their worship publicly exercised. We Catholics have rejected this
article as contrary to Roman Catholic canon law. 
- Pope Pius VII, 1808
 
The state (the U.S. Constitution) has not the right to leave every man
free to profess and embrace whatever religion he may desire.
- Pope Pius IX
 
Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis ad capul tuum saxum
immane mittam. 
 
That life is worth living is the most necessary of assumptions, and
were it not assumed, the most impossible of conclusions.
- George Santayana (1863-1952)
 
I'm sorry. The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your
phone 90 degrees and try again.
 
Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were
forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
- W. C. Fields
 
Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.
- W. C. Fields
 
There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the
bull by the tail and face the situation.
- W. C. Fields
 
Thou shalt not commit adultery ... unless in the mood. 
- W. C. Fields
 
What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this
sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
- W. C. Fields
 
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
- Robert Frost (1874-1963)
 
Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you
are, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.
- Andre Gide
 
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
- Isaac Asimov
 
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
- Fran Lebowitz
 
Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.
-Sam Levenson
 
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
- Winston Bennett , University of Kentucky basketball forward
 
A billion hours ago, human life appeared on earth. A billion minutes
ago, Christianity emerged. A billion Coca-Colas ago was yesterday
morning.
- 1996 Coca-Cola Company annual report
 
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede
jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I
replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any
witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." 
- Jake Johanson
 
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind
word alone.
- Al Capone (1899-1947)
 
Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and
8 times out of 9 I'll show you a man with detestable spiritual
qualities.
- Charles Bukowski
 
Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night - be it
prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels.
- Frank Sinatra
 
Only those who attempt the absurd...will achieve the impossible. I
think...I think it's in my basement...Let me go upstairs and check.
- Escher
 
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- Steven Wright
 
Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
 
Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily.
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
 
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
- Anonymous
 
Do not write so that you can be understood, write so that you cannot
be misunderstood.
- Epictetus
 
God runs electromagnetic by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and
Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday,
Thursday, and Saturday.
- William Bragg, Sir
 
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
 
Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959) , from An Autobiography, 1932.
 
I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
 
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us
with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
- Galileo Galilei
 
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as
they go flying by.
- Douglas Adams
 
I think it would be a good idea.
- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) , when asked what he thought of Western
civilization
 
I like the word 'indolence'. It makes my laziness seem classy.
- Bern Williams
 
Imagine a school with children that can read or write, but with
teachers who can not, and you have a metaphor of the Information Age
in which we live.
- Peter Cochrane
 
In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest
proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen
from time to time.
- Edward P. Tryon
 
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of
people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
- Douglas Adams
 
I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not
holding a charge.
- Edward Chilton
 
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create
the universe.
- Carl Sagan
 
I'll moider da bum.
- Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento , when asked what he thought of
William Shakespeare
 
If I'd known it was going to be a classic, I would have paid attention.
- Julius Epstein , Screen writer of Casablanca
 
If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless
manner, you have learned how to live.
- Lin Yutang
 
It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that
virginity could be a virtue.
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
 
It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of
cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it.
- Blues Brothers
 
It is my supposition that the Universe in not only queerer than we
imagine, is queerer than we CAN imagine.
- J. B. S. Haldane
 
It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce.
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
 
In this business, by the time you realize you're in trouble, it's too
late to save yourself. Unless you're running scared all the time, you're gone.
- Bill Gates (1955- ) , Microsoft Founder, Playboy, 1994
 
It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
- Art Buchwald , WWII Marine volunteer
 
It is true that liberty is precious, so precious that it must be rationed.
- Nikolai Lenin
 
It's a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be
happy without money.
- Albert Camus
 
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every
day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- Jerry Seinfeld
 
Number 3 pencils and quadrille pads.
- Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) , when asked what CAD tools he used to
design the Cray I; he also recommended using the back side of the
pages so that the lines were not so dominant.
 
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be
happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
 
My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the universe, why
it as it is and why it exists as all.
- Stephen Hawking
 
Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein.
- Joe Theismann , football commentator and former player
 
Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame-thrower.
- Bruce Feirstein
 
Nirvana is not the blowing out of the candle. It is the extinguishing
of the flame because day is come.
- Rabindranath Tagore
 
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
- Wernher Von Braun (1912-1977)
 
Optimism: The doctrine that everything is beautiful, including what is
ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that
is wrong.
... It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
 
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to
build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying
to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
- Rich Cook
 
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought
which they avoid.
- Søren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
 
The Bible has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some
blood-drenched history; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a
thousand lies.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
 
The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science
requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship.
- Robert Heinlein
 
The great question - which I have not been able to answer - is, "What
does a woman want?"
- Sigmund Freud
 
The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as
to discover new ways of thinking about them.
- William Bragg, Sir
 
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree,
is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer
professionals. We cause accidents.
- Nathaniel Borenstein
 
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
 
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The
pessimist fears it is true.
- Robert Oppenheimer
 
The theoretical broadening which comes from having many humanities
subjects on the campus is offset by the general dopiness of the people
who study these things...
- Richard P. Feynman

Physics is like sex. Sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it.
- Richard P. Feynman
 
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be
regarded as a criminal offense.
- Edsgar Dijkstra
 
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
- Horace
 
There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.
- Heisenberg
 
There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We
don't believe this to be a coincidence.
- Anonymous
 
There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to
conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in
the introduction of a new order to things.
- N. Machiavelli
 
They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those
who dream only by night.
- Edgar Allen Poe - Eleonora
 
They've got us surrounded again... the poor bastards!
- Creighton W. Abrams, General
 
This isn't right, this isn't even wrong.
- Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958) , upon reading a young physicist's paper
 
There are no such things as applied sciences, only applications of science.
- Louis Pasteur
 
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.
- Lane Olinghouse
 
To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
- Orben - Current Comedy
 
Treat a work of art like a prince. Let it speak to you first.
- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
 
Understanding is a kind of ecstasy.
- Carl Sagan
 
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
 
We will either find a way or make one.
- Hannibal
 
When I investigate and when I discover that the forces of the heavens
and the planets are within ourselves, then truly I seem to be living
among the gods.
- Leon Battista Alberti
 
When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think
only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the
solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
- Richard Buckminster Fuller
 
Why is this thus? What is the reason of this thusness?
- Artemus Ward
 
Yea, though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil,
for I am the meanest son of a bitch in the valley.
- Joel Rosenberg - The Silver Crown
 
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
- Pierre Laplace (1749-1827) , to Napoleon on why his works on
celestial mechanics make no mention of God.
 
Your problem is you're just too damn technically qualified in the subject!
- Al Sodergren , to a visual systems expert at a simulation meeting.
 
Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome
 for children to be always and forever explaining things
 to them.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
 
Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.
- Arthur C. Clarke
 
You can build a throne out of bayonets, but you can't sit on it for very long.
- Boris Jeltsin
 
Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of
body experience.
- Bill Watterson - Calvin & Hobbes
 
I shall be an autocrat, that's my trade; and that good Lord will
forgive me, that's his.
- Katarina the Great
 
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
- Doctor Who
 
Gosh that takes me back... or is it forward? That's the trouble with
time travel, you never can tell.
- Doctor Who
 
You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
- Douglas Adams
 
In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real
men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha
Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.
- Douglas Adams
 
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
- Douglas Adams
 
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn
from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their  apparent
disinclination to do so.
- Douglas Adams

I cna tyep 400 Wrods pre miuet

No space left in message for a signature.

sigfault

The feature you'd like to have is probably already installed on your
Linux system.

>Linux is not user-friendly.
It _is_ user-friendly.  It is not ignorant-friendly and idiot-friendly.

I found The Secret Of Monkey Island and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt!

Hi! I'm Norton Antivirus. Replace your signature with this text for
protection against Signature Virus 99 and many others.

New processes are created by other processes, just like new
humans. New humans are created by other humans, of course, not by processes.
- Unix System Administration Handbook

With Perl you can manipulate text, interact with programs, talk over
networks, drive Web pages, perform arbitrary precision arithmetic, and
write programs that look like Snoopy swearing.
- Andrew Hunt, David Thomas: The Pragmatic Programmer

I have seen no evidence whatsoever that Microsoft's millions of
dollars have enabled them to come up with a better product than MIT's few grad students.
- Paul D. Smith, on Windows vs. X11

Quitting vi is the most important command of that editor, and should be bound to something easy to type and available in all modes, for example the space bar.
- Per Abrahamsen

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be
regarded as a criminal offence.
- Edsger W. Dijkstra

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee.

Ever wondered why your keyboard has so many keys? Use Emacs Gnus!

Is your homepage Y2K compliant? Pipe it through "tr 'yY' 'kK'" to make sure.

Real programmers don't comment...
What was hard to write should be hard to read.

We hope to extend GNU Emacs into a WYSIWYG desktop publishing system
over the coming years.

"I am Troy McClure of Borg. You may remember me from such films as
'Assimilation Day', and 'Honey, I Assimilated The Kids' ."

!!! THIS SIGNATURE HAS BEEN CENSORED !!!

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
- Isaac Asimov

Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that
will accept me as a member.
- Groucho Marx

Q: How does a spoilt rich girl change a light bulb?
A: She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

If you don't succeed redefine success

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the
lesson afterwards.
- Vernon Law

Each snowflake is different, collect the entire set.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

"Heisenberg may have slept here"

What's a network?
- Bill Gates, early '80s to Hermann Hauser (Acorn)

New versions are not offered to cure faults. I have never heard of a
less relevant reason to bring a new version on the market.
-Bill Gates, 1995, Focus Magazine No. 43

There are no essential bugs in our software which a significant number
of users might wish to be removed.
-Bill Gates, 1995, Focus Magazine No. 43

Maybe you make errors, have you ever thought about that?
-Bill Gates, 1995, Focus Magazine No. 43

If you can't make it good, make it look good.
-Bill Gates, 1995

Anybody who thinks a little 9,000-line program that's distributed free
and can be cloned by anyone is going to affect anything we do at
Microsoft has his head screwed on wrong.
-Bill Gates, on Java

The idea that people know what they want is wrong. They need to be
pulled through the Web.
- Laura Jennings, Vice President of the Microsoft Network

What the [user] is supposed to do is feel uncomfortable, and when he
has bugs, suspect that the problem is DR-DOS and then go out to buy MS-DOS.
- Brad Silverberg, former head of Microsoft's Internet Group

The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armor
to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly
ignores the fact that it was he, who by peddling second-rate
technology, led them into it in the first place.
- Douglas Adams

Q: Have you heard why they use Windows 3000 as a prison guard?
A: 'Cause it always locks up!
- Patch Cord Adams, Futurama

I have a firm rule: If I say you die, you die!
- Kao, Hao xia (Last Hurrah for Chivalry)

"Aha! Now the rubberband is on the other claw!"
- Dr. John Zoidberg, M.D. (Futurama)

"One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs."
- Robert Firth

It is true that liberty is precious; so precious that it must be carefully rationed.
- Vladimir Ilyich Lenin

The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8m sec sec.
- Marcus Dolengo

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
- Mitch Ratcliffe

Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.
- J.R.R. Tolkien

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.
- Sir Francis Bacon

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
- Douglas Adams

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
- Douglas Adams

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
- Douglas Adams

Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
- Isaac Asimov

For a moment, nothing happened.Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
- Douglas Adams

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
- Douglas Adams

I don't believe in God but I'm very interested in her.
- Arthur C. Clarke

Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything but live for it.
- Charles Caleb Colton

Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"
- Annie Dillard

If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves.
- Douglas Adams

How many observe Christ's birthday! How few, his precepts! O! 'tis easier to keep holidays than commandments.
- Benjamin Franklin

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
- Galileo Galilei

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
- Mohandas Gandhi

Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
- Douglas Adams

Religion is the idol of the mob; it adores everything it does not understand.
- Frederick the Great

If we are going to teach creation science as an alternative to evolution, then we should also teach the stork theory as an alternative to biological reproduction.
- Judith Hayes

The biblical account of Noah's Ark and the Flood is perhaps the most implausible story for fundamentalists to defend. Where, for example, while loading his ark, did Noah find penguins and polar bears in Palestine?
- Judith Hayes

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything.
- Robert A. Heinlein

A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
- Robert A. Heinlein

If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the Old Testament, he would be a criminal. If he would follow strictly the teachings of the New, he would be insane.
- Robert Green Ingersoll

Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
- Douglas Adams

It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.
- Helen Keller

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
- Robert A. Heinlein

The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance... logic can be happily tossed out the window.
- Stephen King

We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.
- Douglas Adams

There seems to be a terrible misunderstanding on the part of a great many people to the effect that when you cease to believe you may cease to behave.
- Louis Kronenberger

Arbejdet foregår dels med papir, blyant, pc, loddekolbe, gaffatape og en stor hammer. Desuden bliver jeg bedt om at levere et forslag til en simplest mulig rengøringsrobot.
- Ole Fink Hansen

The gap between theory and practice is wider in practice than in
theory
- Unknown

Min lillebror spurgte mig engang, hvad der sker, når vi dør. Jeg fortalte ham, at vi bliver begravet under en bunke jord, og at ormene æder vores kroppe. Jeg tror, at jeg skulle have fortalt ham sandheden: At de fleste af os ender i Helvede og brænder for evigt, men jeg ville ikke gøre ham ked af det
- Anonymt barn

Jeg tror, det var én, der hed Mogens, som lavede de ti bud.
- Anonym 7-årig

Engang hørte jeg Guds stemme. Den sagde "Vrrrrrrrrrmmmmmm". Men det kan også godt være, at det bare var en plæneklipper.
- Anonym 11-årig

Reeza tror ikke på Gud, han tror på Allan.
- Anonym 6-årig

En kristen må kun have én kone. Det kales monotoni.
- Anonymt barn

Statsvidenskab er at prøve at finde ud af, hvorfor politikerne gør det, de gør.
- Anonymt barn

Jeg vil vædde med, at når man bor i en nudist-lejr, så er der ikke noget sjovt ved fastelavn
- Anonymt barn

Matematiske symboler kan bruges, når man ikke ved, hvad man taler om.
- Anonymt barn

Kunstig befrugtning er, når bondemanden gør det på koen i stedet for tyren.
- Anonymt barn

Jeg kan godt li' at gå ned til Vesterhavet og se solopgangen.
- Anonymt barn

I gamle dage var holdningerne anderledes, - kvinder kunne f.eks ikke lide sex, det sagde de i hvert fald altid til mig...

Livet er smukt set gennem sprækken mellem madrassen og dynen.

Man skal aldrig sige nej til en fristelse - man ved jo aldrig, om den kommer igen.

Definitionen på en katastrofe: At sove for længe om morgenen og ikke kunne nå sin formiddagslur

There's no place like 127.0.0.1

do
  fork agent(smith);
repeat;

Ich habe mir überlegt: Drücken die nun, haschen sie die oder sind es einfach nur Studenten.
- Christiane F.

When you understand Unix, you will understand the world.
When you understand NT....you will understand NT.
- R. Thieme

Futile resistance is.
Assimilated you will be.
- Yoda Of Borg

A motorcycle is a combination of pony, blow dryer, and vibrator - perfect for girls of all ages.
- Colin MacDonald

caution: if you write code like this, immediately after you are fired the person assigned to maintaining your code after you leave will resign.
- Philip Machanick, Learn C and C++ in 5 Days

It is a common failing of man not to take account of tempests during fair weather.
- Machiavelli

Called up the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms regional office and asked, "What wine goes best with an M-16?" The guy who answered did his best to be helpful: "That depends. What are you smoking?"
- Michael Maciolek

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.
- Naguib Mahfouz

I'll get the implanted cellphone. With an answering machine for when I'm out of my head.
- David Malcolm

Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete stangers to kill again.
- Marin Paper TV listing for "The Wizard of Oz"

Fiction was invented the day Jonas arrived home and told his wife that he was three days late because he had been swallowed by a whale.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

What's that application, you ask? What obscure, rogue, poorly-written, backwater hack could fail to interact properly to an interface setting built into the operating system itself? Why, it's Visual C++.
- Dan Martinez

...what's the point of making non-addictive drugs illegal? If anything which alters the mental state of the individual is to be illegal in case he's unable to function in society, can we have a ban on religion please?
- mathew@mantis.co.uk

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
- W. Somerset Maugham

I'm starting to *like* Outlook. ... Clearly, I'm not writing enough code any more. That, and I need a shower, just for thinking such unclean thoughts. My Pilot has stopped sync'ing. I don't blame it. I'd quit in protest, too.
- Aleecia McDonald

Unix is not an 'a-ha' experience, it is more of a 'holy-shit' experience.
- Colin McFadyen

NT 5.0 is the last nail in the Unix coffin. Interestingly, Unix isn't in the coffin... It's wondering what the heck is sealing itself into a wooden box 6 feet underground.
- Jason McMullan

Microsoft is now talking about the digital nervous system. I guess I would be nervous if my system was built on their technology too.
- Scott McNealy

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.
- H. L. Mencken

Now, suddenly, dynamic HTML makes the Web as interactive as my old Apple IIc.
- Peter Merholz

Finding bad websites is a little like stalking and hunting a herd of dairy cows with an uzi.
- merilus.com

Programmatically is a Microsoft euphamism for 'with many lines of code.'
- from a Microsoft Access tutorial manual

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but if I cut your arms off with my sword, what are you going to do with your stupid pen then, Mr. smarty-pants?
- Pakasit Mhojadee

By downloading these unsupported tools you are using them at your own risk--you know, like bungee jumping in your underwear or dating your best friend's sister.
- Microsoft Internet Explorer 4.0 PowerToys disclaimer

Bill Gates is a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being the villain in a James Bond movie.
- Dennis Miller

...anyone could learn Lisp in 1 day, except that if they already knew Fortran, it would take 3 days.
- Marvin Minsky

You buy Windows, and you put it on your machine-you can't do a whole lot with it.
- Bob Muglia, Microsoft Senior Vice President

Nå jeg skulle i seng - jeg vil derfor sige godnat og afsløre over for dig, at når Hitler ikke gik i lederhosen var det først og fremmest fordi han selv mente, hans knæ var for hvide.
- Poul Kragh Jensen

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
- A. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues

Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.
- A. A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

Thanks for inquiring, the spell chicker works fine.

Q: Why do programmers often confuse Halloween and Christmas?
A: Because OCT31 = DEC25

Hardware is just petrified software
- Karen Panetta Lentz

I really didn't foresee the Internet. But then, neither did the computer industry. Not that that tells us very much of course - the computer industry didn't even foresee that the century was going to end.
- Douglas Adams

Well I logged in as root earlier and I was just going to try that ps thing you mentioned, but instead I accidentally typed in 'nohup cd /; rm -rf * > /dev/null 2>&1 &'
- Simon Travaglia - BOFH

The world is global
- Danish banking advertisement, FIH Erhvervsbank

I would buy a Mac today if I was not working at Microsoft.
- Jim Allchin, Jan 07, 2004

We don't know the OS that God uses, but the Vatican uses Linux
- Sister Judith Zoebelein, Vatican Webmaster

Jeg søger halskæder i ægte, 100%, 9 karat guld.
I am searching for necklaces in genuine, 100%, 9 carat gold.
- Bruger på Trendsales.dk

Windows NT was supposed to hit Unix hard. It did - like a bug hitting a windshield.

The reason I have a small waist and small feet is that nothing grows 
well in the shade.
- Dolly Parton

Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.
- G. W. Bush

Q: What do undead string theorists constantly crave?
A: Branes.
- Sid Dabster in User Friendly by Illiad

Pulchra sunt ubera quae paululum supereminent et tument modice